Monday, January 31, 2005

Fozzy Morning

The coffeepot drones
Refuse to open those stubborn shutters
disengage from the morning news
listening to my own offending mutters

Another day, another twenty-four
Only five minutes invested and I already miss
the kind shelter of my covers
and my departed's sweet kiss

Sunday, January 30, 2005

The Dazzling Intelligence by Allen Ginsberg

"The Dazzling Intelligence

Migrates from Death
To make a sign of Life again to you
Fierce and beautiful as a car crash
in the Plaza de Armas

I swear that I have seen that Light
I will not fail to kiss your hideous cheek
when your coffin's closed

And the human mourners go back
to their old tired

And you wake in the Eye of the
Dictator of the Universe.

Another stupid miracle! I'm
mistaken again!
Your indifference! My enthusiasm!
I insist! You cough!
Lost in the wave of Gold that
flows thru the Cosmos.

Agh I'm tired of insisting! Goodbye,
I'm going to Pucallpa
to have Visions.
Your clean sonnets?
I want to read your dirtiest
secret scribblings,
your Hope,
in His Obscene Magnificence. My God!

May 19, 1960
Allen Ginsberg"

Monday, January 24, 2005

Incipit Vita Nova by Hermann Hesse

Incipit Vita Nova

In my life as in the lives of most men there was a critical point of
transformation from the universal to the particular, a place of terror and darkness, of
confusion and lonliness, a day of unspeakable torpor and emptiness, whose evening brought forth new stars in the sky and new eyes within me.

Shivering, I passed among the ruins of the world of my youth, overshattered
thoughts and twisted, quivering dreams, and everything I looked at dissolved
into dust and ceased to live. I saw friends whom I was ashamed of knowing, thoughts
I had thought only recently looked me in the face, and they had grown as alien and
remote as if they had been a hundred years old and never been mine. Everything
fellaway from me, and soon there was a deadly emptiness and calm all about me. I
had nothing more that was close to me, no loved ones or neighbors, and my life rose
up in me with a shudder of disgust. Every measure was full to overflowing, every altar desecrated; there was no sweetness but sickened me, no summit I had not leftbehind me. Every shimmer of purity was spent, every intimation of beauty defaced and trampled underfoot. I had nothing more to long for, nothing more to offer, nothingmore to hate. Everything that was still sacred and unravished and harmoniouswithin me had lost its eyes and voice.
All the guardians of my life had fallen asleep. All thebridges had been severed and all horizons robbed of their blue.

When everything alluring and lovable had thus fallen away, when exhausted,infinitely poor and bereft, a spiritual derelict, I awoke to awareness of my misery, I cast down my eyes, arose with heavy limbs and, like a hunted criminal who leaves his house at night, without taking leave and without closing the doors behind him, departed from all the habits of my past.

Who has ever plumbed the depths of lonliness? Who can say that he knows the land of renunciation? My head reeled as I looked down into the abyss and found no end. I wandered through the land of renunciation until my knees crumpled with weariness, and still the road lay ahead in undiminished eternity.

A still, sad night arched over me, bringing comfort, and sleep. Sleep and dreams came to me as friends to a homecomer and relieved me of a deadly burden as though lifting a pack from my shoulders.

Have you ever been lost at sea and seen a swimmer approaching from the land? Have you ever, recovering from deathly illness, taken a first draft of fresh garden air and felt the sweet surge of your reviving blood? Like such a rescued mariner and such a convalescent, I felt a swirling flood of gratitude, peace, light, and well-being that night, when it became clear to me that inscrutable beings were looking down at me with friendly eyes.

The sky looked different than ever before. The position and recurrence of the heavenly bodies entered into a fore-ordained pact of friendship with my innermost life, and the eternal established a clear and soothing bond between its laws and something within me. I felt that in my life resurrected from the desert a golden foundation had been laid, a power and a law, in accordance with which, as I felt to my glorious amazement, everything old and new within me would forever after beordered in noble crystalline forms and conclude beneficent alliances with all things and wonders of the world.

Incipit vita nova. I became a new man, still a miracle to myself, at oncepassive and active, receiving and giving, in possession of treasures, the most precious of which is perhaps till unknown to me.
Hermann Hesse 1899

since feeling is first by e.e. cummings

since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;

wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world

my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry
-the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says

we are for each other: then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph

And death i think is no parenthesis

The Inquiry

The Inquiry

I served up platters of disarray
I fell and then I faded
Did you know me then?

Locked away
I forgot who you were
Did you love me then?

Words were flying
Bewildering my brain
Did you understand me then?

Medication entropy
Wellness floated
Did you know me when?

Age disfigures
Gravestone images
Will you love me when?

State Of Mind

"My questions when I entered Bellevue centered around the paradox ofany such institution: coexisting one finds the rigid laws of locks and straight jackets and the unimaginable, lunatic freedom to choose one's own salvation."

Anne Barry, Bellvue Is A State Of Mind